How to make goals work for you - not against you.

We’ve all been there. We are full of excitement at how different we can be if we just do this thing. We overestimate how much progress we can make and then use that to set the end point. Everything is great - until the moment we fail to achieve them. Then often shame and self-judgement rear their ugly heads, and we feel defeated. After enough time has passed, we decide that this time will be different - and the cycle starts again.

Sound familiar?

But here’s the thing - what if perfection was never possible in the first place? What if instead, consistently showing up and making gradual progress is the more sustainable approach, both for results and self-compassion?

In this blog post, I want to offer a kinder perspective on goals that free you from the exhausting trap of perfectionism. The key is focusing more on steady effort over time rather than demanding overnight success from yourself. Easier said than done, I know. But with some mindset shifts, you can get from self-flagellation to self-motivation.

Perfectionism Sets You Up to Fail

When we attach goals to our sense of self-worth, the cycle becomes dangerous. First we set ambitious targets to prove something to ourselves or others. Then when reality hits, and we miss the mark, we feel crushed, like a failure.

Rather than pausing to reset realistic expectations, often another wave of over-correction happens. We double down even harder, making the goals stricter, more urgent, and thus more unrealistic. And the cycle repeats.

Not only does this perfectionism backfire in results, but it also erodes self-confidence over time. The voice in our heads shouts about not being dedicated enough, not wanting success badly enough, when in truth, we desperately do. We just set ourselves up for shame by demanding 100% or nothing.

So how do we shift away from this pervasive approach? There are three key elements:

• Trade perfection for consistency

• Check your self-talk

• Reframe mistakes as feedback

Read on to learn more 👇

Trade Perfection for Consistency

What if you approached goals from a consistency angle instead? You detach self-worth from immediate success markers and instead focus on showing up regularly to make incremental progress. The effort becomes more meditative than monumental and you work to enjoy the journey instead of being solely focused on how magical everything will be when you reach the destination.

For instance, let's say you set a goal to "Lose 30 pounds in 3 months." You reason that that works out at “just” 2.5 lbs a week and you have definitely had weeks where you have lost that in the past when you dieted. When you are not on track with 10 lbs lost by week 4, you feel behind and beat yourself up.

Instead, you could shift to think more about the process and set intentions like:

- I will exercise 30 minutes 5 days per week

- I will pack healthy snacks to avoid impulse purchases

- I will journal after meals to increase mindfulness

Do you see how directing energy into real-time actions within your control allows more self-compassion? And reaching these intentions consistently over months still leads to weight loss results.

This applies for any goal from career achievements to creative projects. Break down bigger goals into daily and weekly intentions you can act on. Track consistency rather than demanding instant perfection.

✨An added bonus with this approach - sticker charts!! I love a sticker or a tracker and I have trackers in my bullet journal, a wall chart for the year, and I check streaks in my downdog yoga app.

As humans, our brains love to see progress – it’s similar to why we’ll write something down on our to-do list just to check it off! The sticker or tracker approach is the same concept - and who doesn't love an excuse to buy more stationery?!

Check Your Self-Talk

When you do miss consistency targets or have off days - because let’s be real, we ALL have those days - pay attention to the exact words your inner critic uses. Would you talk that way to a struggling friend? If not, be just as gentle with yourself.

Let’s use the work out example again… if you miss one day of working out, you could beat yourself up and make yourself feel like a failure. Instead, practice giving yourself grace, acknowledge the work that you HAVE done, and readjust for tomorrow.

Adjust the self-talk and move on with resolve, not regret. Learn from missteps then course correct. Stay more curious about the experience than critical.

Over time, this practice trains your mental reflex away from judgement and towards compassionate problem-solving. Patience and presence matter more than attacking yourself when things go sideways.

Reframe "Mistakes" as Feedback

Finally, when you fall short of goals, rather than labelling it a mistake or failure, look at it more neutrally as feedback. I love to think about my self-care goals as experiments. As a scientist, if my experiment failed I wouldn’t attach this failure to my self-worth. I’d view it as data, study it and then use the insights to structure my next experiment.

Ask yourself questions like:

👉Is there a lesson here about a needed adjustment?

👉 How can I adapt based on results not matching expectations?

👉What's one small tweak I can make next time?

This mentality allows you to fail forward without the inner beat down. You become your own trusted coach, getting smarter through experience rather than plunging into shame spirals.

How will you use the insights from this goal setting series?

Part 1 of the series focused on three ways to make goal setting kinder. Use this to help you set goals that are kinder and more meaningful.

Once you have those goals, why not think about how you can focus on consistent progress?

Enjoy the process, get happy with your sticker charts and let perfection fall to the wayside knowing deep transformation comes through steady effort over time - as long as you show up kindly for yourself along the way.

If goal setting this way appeals, but you don’t know where to start I invite you to book a free insight callwith me. We can chat about what you want to achieve and see if coaching could be the missing piece.