Are You Too Easy or Too Hard on Yourself? Find the Goldilocks Zone for Goals

When it comes to pursuing goals and personal growth, most of us tend to veer towards one of two extremes. We either take it too easy on ourselves, losing motivation through complacency. Or we come down too hard, with unrelenting demands that feed shame and burnout.

But what if the secret to lasting motivation sits between these two extremes — finding what I call the “Goldilocks Zone” for goal setting? Read on for why easing up on excuses while also quieting your inner bully could be a game changer.

The Slippery Slope of Being Too Easy

First off, know that I am a massive fan of rest, recovery, and celebrating progress made rather than constant hustle. Honestly, much like in the gym, most of our personal growth comes in the rest and reflection periods, not the actual doing. However there is a fine line where taking it easy crosses over into limiting beliefs and self-sabotage.

Warning signs you may have become too complacent include 👇

- Making excuses to let yourself off the hook (“I just don’t have time right now.”)

- Giving up quickly when goals feel hard rather than finding supportive tools or community

- Losing excitement for personal growth goals that once sparked joy

Here’s the truth: any goal worth pursuing will take you outside comfort zones at times. After all, if it was easy, we would already be doing it! Progress requires courage and commitment. When we retreat back to ease and familiarity we cut ourselves off from opportunities that are just past that initial resistance.

We all have things that we think are “just not me” - but check in and see if in fact these might reflect times when you perhaps gave up too easily, or set your standards impossibly high, rather than immovable traits.

The Pitfalls of Relentless Self-Criticism

However (and this is a big however), going to the opposite extreme of demanding perfection through self-punishment also derails progress. Destructive inner voices can kill our motivation despite our best intentions.

Take notice if your self-talk includes phrases like: 👇

- “What’s wrong with you?”

- “You’re so lazy/weak/pathetic/stupid!”

- “You’ll never achieve this if you don’t do XYZ right now!”

Would you feel encouraged if a coach or mentor spoke to you this way? Probably not. So why permit an inner bully to plant doubts and shame where you need nourishment to grow?

💡High standards are healthy; harsh self-judgments are not. Learn to recognize the difference.

If you want to get some insight into your inner bullies - and learn ways to challenge them I highly recommend doing the free assessment at positive intelligence. I learned loads and that insight really helps me on a daily basis.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

This back-and-forth dynamic between too easy/too hard points to the need for a growth mindset. This means believing abilities can be developed through dedication and practice rather than being fixed traits. A growth mindset focuses on learning and progress rather than meeting rigid make-or-break goals.

Let's take an example and make this more concrete. Say you start an exercise routine but miss workouts some weeks. Through a growth lens, you’d reflect on what obstacles got in the way then problem solve solutions. This prevents lapses from equalling failure or worthlessness.

By taking setbacks as information not indictment, you strengthen resilience. Over time, staying this motivated course leads to fitness gains, even if some days you need gentler sessions.

Finding the Motivational Sweet Spot

So what does the middle ground — the “Goldilocks Zone” for goal setting — look like between the extremes of complacency and self-punishment?

Here are a few key qualities: 👇

• Balance ambition with self-compassion. Challenge yourself while also being your own cheerleader.

• Focus on consistency and progress over perfection. Small steps forward accumulate.

• When you slip up, ask what you learned and how you’ll adjust. Then move ahead with self-belief intact.

This sweet spot takes practice, especially if you’re accustomed to sabotaging self-talk. But you can get better at catching unhealthy patterns before they spiral. Redirect motivation towards compassionate support, not criticism.

Building on what you have learnt

So far in this series we have looked at the benefits of using intentions as well as goals, ways to focus on consistency over perfection and this blog post builds on that to help you find the goldilocks zone.

With these insights, I hope you feel inspired to try and build a healthy motivational balance — a mindset where you bring courage, consistency and kindness on your unique wellbeing journey ahead.

Looking for more support?

If this feels like a great idea, but you are lost at where to start, there’s a few ways we can help:

• One to one coaching for wellbeing and performance

• Wellness and recovery planning and maintenance

Book a free insight call to see which service might be a good fit for you!.

Together we can troubleshoot your biggest blocks and explore if coaching might be the missing piece.